My Thoughts on Societal Constructivism: This is All Made Up. So Try Not to Worry About It.

Here’s something different today folks. Not movie related at all really. But here are my thoughts on societal constructivism that I find comforting sometimes and I thought you might too. 

For all of us who feel eternally lost, here’s why we should not feel ashamed of that: because this is all made up. Almost everything in the entire world is made up of OTHER PEOPLE’S Ideas! It’s all a construct! I don’t believe in a lot of societal constructs and I’ve come to some realizations about that. So many of us (if not everyone) feels lost or like they don’t fit in or don’t belong at some point (if not always) in our lives. And I’ve realized that that is because the world is mostly made up of societal constructs that we’re taught to fit in to, but we just don’t. So therefore we feel lost or out of place, but the truth is that it’s the constructs that are made up and not one size fits all and we should not feel bad about not fitting into them. Repeat: We should not feel bad about not understanding or agreeing with things that were NOT OUR IDEAS IN THE FIRST PLACE. 

For example, sometimes I don’t feel secure in my adulthood because I don’t understand “grown up” things like money or taxes or legal forms or things like that. But then I think that all of those things are constructs that were created at some point in time and they really only made sense to the person who made them up and now the rest of us have to try to figure it out, even though it may not make sense or come naturally to us. Like whenever I get a new job and try to read all the paperwork and try to fill it out, the language does not make sense to me and I get flustered. But then I realize that whoever wrote these forms wrote them in a way that made sense to them and they were probably not a very good writer or else they would write it in a way that was clear to everyone. But really the whole concept of filling out paper work is a construct, so why would it make sense to me anyway if it’s not baked into my human DNA? Humans were not meant to fill out forms, or pay taxes, or use money. That’s all made up, so why should I feel bad about not understanding it when it is not a natural human action? So like everyone else I just have to try to understand it all as best I can so I can use it to my advantage because that is the only choice society has given me. 

I was once talking to a friend of mine who is a professional life coach and she said that one of the most common complaints her clients give her is that they feel like they don’t fit in and they need her help finding their way. And it struck me that of course most people feel like they don’t fit in because “fitting in” is a construct and when you think about it it should be obvious that no one can “fit in” all the time because no two people are alike, so why has society created this construct that we should all be one big group and “fit in” with each other as opposed to acknowledging and embracing our individuality? Because at the end of the day that’s all we have, our individuality. 

I got thinking about it more one night after I had a conversation with my cousin. She said she thinks I’m the least egotistical person in our family because I don’t seem to care about external things, I just seem happy. While many of my cousins are very career, money, image, and/or marriage and family driven and care about external/conventional things like that, I realized those things have not been my priority. And I realized that caring about external/conventional things is a societal construct because we’ve been taught to believe that we need to meet these certain pillars in order to be happy or at least appear happy. Like we need to have an established career, own a home, be married with kids and so forth. And if we are missing one, some, or all of those things people assume we are not happy or that there is something wrong because we don’t have those things. But having those things is not a perfect recipe for happiness and plenty of people have all those things but are not happy. That’s why I don’t believe in the rigidity of that construct. I believe every person needs to do what’s right for them, because at the end of the day happiness and fulfillment are constructs and we are each entitled to constructing our own version of happiness. And while I assure you I am not always happy, I keep trying and that’s what’s important. 

I watched a movie a while back that I thought was very good and I strongly identified with. It’s called “The Giant Mechanical Man,” from 2012. Check it out if you haven’t already. It’s about a woman in her 30’s named Janice who feels lost. She keeps trying to work different temp jobs but just isn’t making it and she has to move in with her sister. But she loves to see this street performer called the Giant Mechanical Man around the city. The mechanical man is named Tim and he also feels lost and that people just don’t understand his art and he keeps trying but just doesn’t find fulfillment in regular jobs or traditional things. They end up working at some crappy job together where they meet and fall in love because they feel that they are the only ones who understand each other. I found it was very relatable, especially when Janice has a whole speech about something like “You know I’m in my 30s and I don’t know what I’m doing. And it’s like we’re all expected to be born knowing exactly what to do, like fully formed human beings who have it all figured out. But I don’t have it figured out. I just feel lost.” And I thought “yup that’s me.” And then I thought Janice represents people like me (or maybe everyone) who just keep trying to fit in to a world that was created by someone else and no matter how hard we try to fit in, it just doesn’t feel right to us. But really there’s no shame in that because all we can do is be ourselves and try to use the world to our advantage. 

It’s just like when I try on an item of clothing, like a sweater for example and it doesn’t fit and they don’t make it in a bigger size and I feel bad. But then I think, why should I feel bad about not fitting a sweater that this company decided to only make in a certain size? Why should I feel bad that my body and essentially my essence of being, does not fit into this very specific item? Because this company clearly has a specific idea of who should be wearing their sweater and they want me to feel bad that I don’t fit that image. But really the sweater is the problem and if that company does not make a bigger size then I have no choice but to reject that sweater and go looking for one that does fit me. So it’s like if society thinks I’m supposed to fit into a certain concept but it just isn’t right for me then I should not be the one to feel bad about myself or feel I need to change in order to fit into that concept. I have to find a way that works for me.